


Broodylocks and the Three Apostates

by darktensh17



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Nursery Rhymes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4264113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darktensh17/pseuds/darktensh17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric's bedtime stories are the best. Male Hawke/Fenris hints.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broodylocks and the Three Apostates

There was once a family of apostates who lived in a cozy cottage in the woods. There was a spirit healer, a blood mage and a force mage; their names were Anders, Merrill and Hawke.

One morning Merrill cooked them all porridge for breakfast. Since the porridge was to hot to eat right away, the three apostates decided to take a walk in the woods while it cooled.

They hadn’t been gone very long until an elf named Broodylocks came wandering along. He’d been killing slavers at the edge of the forest and had followed the ones who had escaped him into the woods. When he saw the three apostate’s cottage, he felt relief for he hadn’t had a proper shelter over his head in days and needed somewhere to hide out. “How convenient,” He said to himself as he pulled his sword out, “I wonder who lives there.” He stood on his toes and peaked into the window, checking for any occupants. There didn’t seem to be anyone home, so Broodylocks opened the door and went right inside!

The first thing he saw when he entered was a table set with three bowls of porridge. There was a battered up bowl for Anders, an earthen bowl for Merrill, and regular looking bowl for Hawke. 

Broodylocks’ grunted in annoyance as the smell of the porridge hit him and his stomach reminded him that he hadn’t eaten a proper meal in several days. “That porridge smells good, and since there’s no one here to stop me I think I’ll have some. Going over to the table he went over to the battered bowl and tasted the porridge in it. “Blegh!” he cried, dropping the spoon. “This porridge is MUCH too bland!”

He moved over to the earthen bowl and tried that, quickly pushing it away; MUCH too herby.

Then he tasted the porridge in the regular looking bowl. “Mmmmm,” He said, closing his eyes in contentment. “This porridge is JUST right!” so he ate it all up!

Then Broodylocks saw that there were three chairs by the fire; a rickety chair for Anders, a stump for Merrill and a padded chair for Hawke. “Hn, it would be nice to sit down for awhile.” Broodylocks thought as he made his way over to the chairs.

He sat down on the chair that belonged to Anders, grimacing as it creaked and groaned under his weight. “Oh, no!” He said irritably. “This chair is much too decrepit.”

Then he sat on Merrill’s stump. “Oh, no.” he said. “This chair is a stump and as uncomfortable as hell.” 

Next, he sat in Hawke’s padded chair. “Ahhhh,” he said with a content grin. “This chair is JUST right!” Just then he heard a loud RIIIIIIP as all of his spiky armour caught in the padding and ripped it right up!  
Broodylocks untangled himself from the chair, picking out little bits of cloth and padding with distance. Then he went upstairs to the bedroom, inside he saw three beds in a row. “Oh,” he said as he fought back a yawn. “I’m feeling sleepy.”

So he pulled down the covers and climbed into Anders rickety cot, but he quickly jumped out. “That bed is much too hard and unstable; it also appears to be stuffed with papers!” He said as he dug out pieces of paper from under the covers, staring at them before crumbling them up and tossing them away. He couldn’t read anyway.

He tried Merrill’s pallet next. While it was better than the previous bed, he spent too much time sleeping on the ground to want to do so when he had other options. Besides who kept leaves sprinkled all around their bed when they were inside?

So he climbed into Hawke’s fluffy down mattress bed. It was JUST right. Soon Broodylocks was fast asleep!

A little while later the three apostates returned from their walk. They were feeling very hungry and looking forward to eating the nice bowls of tasty porridge.

Suddenly Anders’ skin began to glow and he cried out in his Justice voice, “Someone has been eating my porridge!”

Then Merrill cried in her usually chipper voice. “Someone has been eating MY porridge!”

And Hawke cried in his deep boisterous voice, looking down at his bowl of porridge mournfully. “Someone has been eating my porridge and they’ve eaten it ALL UP!”

The three apostates turned and saw the state of their chairs near the fireplace.

“Someone has been sitting in my chair!” Anders cried, still in his Justice mode.

“Someone’s been sitting in MY chair!” Cried Merrill, no longer feeling as chipper as usual.

“Someone has been sitting in MY chair,” Hawke cried in annoyance, today really wasn’t turning out to be a good day. “And they’ve gone and ripped it all to hell! That was my favourite chair!” 

Then the three apostate’s went upstairs to the bedroom.

“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” Anders boomed. “And they’ve crumpled up my manifesto!”

“And someone has been sleeping in MY bed!” Merrill cried. “And look they’ve disturbed all of the leaves.”

“Someone has been sleeping in MY bed,” Hawke exclaimed, feeling as though the day was suddenly looking a lot brighter. “AND HERE HE IS!”

Just then Broodylocks woke up! When he saw the three apostates standing around him, he leaped off the bed and ran down the stairs and out the door. Unfortunately for him, Hawke was right on his heels, calling for him to ‘come back, if he wanted to sleep in the bed, Hawke was willing to share!’

Luckily for Hawke, Broodylocks happened to like charming hairy apostates, and slowed down just enough to let himself get caught. For Hawke it was the best day ever, and from there after they shared their meals together, cuddled up in the chair, and slept in the same bed. 

The end.

-

“That was your best bedtime story yet Varric.” Hawke yawned, cuddling up to his very own Broodylocks, who was squished between himself and Isabela.

Fenris grunted, clearly not as amused with the story as Hawke was. On Hawke’s other side, Anders was still miffed about the destruction of his manifesto. “Did you really have to include that part?”

“It’s all part of the story Blondie.”

“I liked it very much.” Merrill said from Isabela’s other side, to which Isabela added. “I would have liked a little more sex action personally.” 

Varric chuckled and got up. “Time for sleep all of you, if you need me I’ll be in the other room.” He received a chorus of sleepy good nights in reply and with a smile he closed the door and started on his next story.


End file.
